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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28174065">Dichotomy of the Nearly Departed</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TurnTheFreakinFrogsGay/pseuds/TurnTheFreakinFrogsGay'>TurnTheFreakinFrogsGay</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Super Dangan Ronpa 2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Anxiety, Comfort, Depression, Eating Disorders, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Gaslighting, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kidnapping, M/M, Manipulation, Mental Breakdown, Multi, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Stockholm Syndrome, Suicide Attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:00:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,000</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28174065</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TurnTheFreakinFrogsGay/pseuds/TurnTheFreakinFrogsGay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Looking for sad af one-shots?<br/>I got you.</p><p> </p><p>AKA I’m projecting on my comfort characters</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akamatsu Kaede/Harukawa Maki, Amami Rantaro/Oma Kokichi, Asahina Aoi/Ogami Sakura, Chabashira Tenko/Yumeno Himiko, Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>164</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Fragile (SaiOuma)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>PLEASE READ THE TAGS THIS IS FUCKED UP (ahaha... just proofread this three months later... aha)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If Ouma was good at anything, it was being anybody <em>but</em> himself. He was a masterful actor, able to hide the strongest of emotions behind a veil of lies and deceit. It wasn’t uncommon to see him acting very inappropriately in unfortunate and down right despair-inducing incidents; laughing, braiding small pieces of his hair, and pulling the same pranks on everyone else as always. Kokichi could summon tears instantaneously, yet could laugh in the face of death. According to all his classmates, he was simply an annoying, over-confident brat with a lying problem.</p><p>Everyone save Shuichi Saihara, of course. Shuichi’s ultimate talent being what it was, he was always able to pick up on social cues and subtle body language like no other.<br/>Shuichi was smart. Far too smart for Kokichi to fool consistently, thus, making him a problem to the ultimate supreme leader. <br/>One he wasn’t really sure he could deal with.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You will be the death of me, Shuichi Saihara.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The rest of Kokichi’s classmates were <em>idiots</em>. Not a single one of them would have ever expected the supreme leader to have a violent past and an incredible amount of mental issues. </p><p><br/>You know, besides being a psychopathic compulsive liar.<br/><br/></p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/><br/>Due to these facts and his “friends” basically telling him to off himself on a daily basis, Kokichi was prone to... outbursts.</p><p>His outbursts came in and out like tides. Kokichi could hold these sudden outbursts back behind deceitful smiles and lies for a good amount of time, but the dam would always burst and Kokichi’s fake smiles inevitably collapsed, leaving nothing able to hold him and his pent up flood of emotions back.</p><p> </p><p>If anyone walked in on Ouma curled in a ball on his own bathroom floor, blood pouring from his wrists, fingers tugging mercilessly at his aubergine locks, they would tell you it was some sort of sick joke. Some sick way of getting attention, most likely from the overly sympathetic ultimate detective.</p><p>
  <em>‘He just wants attention.’</em>
</p><p>It was clear that Kokichi adored being next to Shuichi no matter the circumstances, even if he would never admit to it.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><hr/><p>Kokichi, being Kokichi, invited himself into Saihara’s room completely unannounced. He’d just suffered through one of his break downs and he just needed to be next to <em>someone </em>to talk and laugh with, disregarding the fact that he very nearly killed himself just minutes prior.</p><p> </p><p>As Kokichi and Shuichi sat in the latter’s room, they talked about anything and everything, but all it took was a few words. A few words that shattered his façade, sending Kokichi head first into a breakdown.</p><p><br/>Just 6 words. 6 words was all it took to completely unravel him.</p><p> </p><p><em>“Awe Shumai is a poor little virgin!” </em>Kokichi wasn’t sure how the topic of dating came up, but it did nonetheless. Shuichi let it slip that he’d never been on a date and Kokichi couldn’t help but poke fun at him for that fact. He meant it in a playful way, even insinuating that he would be more than willing to take Shuichi out, but Kokichi regretted his words as soon as the ultimate detective decided to bite back at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Whatever, you’re probably just a <em>whore</em>...”</p><p>Shuichi looked to the side guiltily, voice barely above a whisper. He didn’t <em>really </em>mean to sound so rude, but he, like most people, could only deal with Ouma’s bullshit for a certain amount of time before his patience wore thin and retaliation ensued.</p><p>Kokichi’s face went completely blank, an uncomfortable silence filling the detective’s room. He looked Shuichi dead in the eyes, but somehow his gaze peered right through him.</p><p>His mind was pushed into a pit of vipers, all of the poison being memories of his past, all of which were <em><span class="u">very</span></em> unpleasant.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>
  <em>“Shut the fuck up! I don’t give a shit if you want it or not!” A group of men who’s identities were deeply repressed into the depths of his memory towered over him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Please stop! Please-please-please just stop it!” For the first time ever, Ouma felt very, very small. So completely pitiful, pinned down, too many drugs coursing through his veins to even count.</em>
</p><p><em>To say he regretted leaving his drink at the party unattended would be the understatement of the year. To say he disliked having random men holding him down while taking turns doing Kokichi till 4 in the morning would be the understatement of the </em>fucking century.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>He woke up in an alleyway the next morning, thrown away like fucking trash after they had their fun.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The dread he felt when waking up didn’t even compare to that of when he opened his phone up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There were many messages from at least 20 unknown numbers filled with threats, but even more horrifying to him were the videos.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The bastards took videos.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>People now had proof of how he’d been used, hurt, stripped of his humanity, humiliated, and violated.</em>
</p><p>
  <em><br/>Threats had been wagered for months after the incident, most of which detailed how the videos would be leaked if he told anyone, along with the regular,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Meet me at [REDACTED] at 11. If you don’t, we’ll all come for you we know where your whore ass lives. We’ll leak the video AND live stream our next ‘meet up’ with everyone. You know, [REDACTED] has thousands of followers that would love to watch us fuck you up.”</em>
</p><p><em>So he went. He went to every single person who told them to meet. Being some random men’s plaything wasn’t nearly as bad as having his reputation and dignity dragged through the mud. He didn’t necessarily have any family to be ashamed of him, but he had DICE and he’d rather die than let them watch the 4 hours worth of footage taken, proving that their “fearless” leader had sobbed pathetically as what felt like a hundred men came to choke him, beat him, rape him, and violate</em> <em>him in every way possible.</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>So he just took it. All of it.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kokichi normally would have been able to laugh off Shuichi’s comment, but he said the word that he hated more than anything:</p><p>‘<em>Whore</em>.’</p><p>He couldn’t count the amount of times he’d been called that while getting done against his will.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m... a wh-whore...?” Kokichi whispered to himself, eyes widening at the realization that this was the only person he trusted- damn it, he was the only person he had! </p><p>
  <em>He trusted Shuichi. He fucking trusted him...</em>
</p><p><br/>To think he was about to get used by the one single fucking person he trusted in the whole killing game. It was too much for him. He couldn’t take it. The last thing he had been clinging to slipped through his fingers like water.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>It didn’t take long for Shuichi to realize he had struck a cord with Kokichi and he immediately regretted saying what he did, rushing to apologize and calm the hyperventilating boy down, putting one hand on his shoulder and the other on his thigh.</p><p>“Hey Kokichi! I’m sorry I didn’t mean that I was just-“</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>‘Why does it have to be him? He saw I was vulnerable and is using it to his advantage.’</em>
</p><p><br/>“No no no nononono please don’t I can’t I can’t-!” Kokichi immediately retracted away from his touch, swatting his hands away, scrambling off the bed where they previously sat, Kokichi still spouting his nonsensical pleas the whole time.</p><p>“Hey, hey, I’m not gonna hurt you just please calm down!” Shuichi began to panic, unsure of what kind of demon he just set loose inside of Kokichi’s clearly unstable mind. </p><p>The detective knew he just broke down every single bit of trust Kokichi had in him and he couldn’t help but be furious at himself. Kokichi was the hardest puzzle he’d ever tried to crack and he was <em>so fucking close,</em> but now every wall Kokichi tediously constructed would be thrown right back up in his face after this incident was all said and done...</p><p> </p><p>But it wasn’t said and done yet and Kokichi still sat curled against the wall, mid panic attack. Shuichi approached him slowly and cautiously, whispering small affirmations to the sobbing supreme leader, but Kokichi didn’t listen. It wasn’t until he heard approaching footsteps that he opened his eyes and became increasingly aware that he was being cornered.</p><p>“No- nO NO! STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! I c-cant take it- I can’t!” His voice broke as he scrambled towards the door.</p><p>The last thing Shuichi managed to hear before the door was slammed in his face was,</p><p>“You fucking trusted him you damn IDIOT! He was all you had!” Kokichi was clearly talking to himself, voice barely audible.</p><p>Shuichi, realizing how serious the situation was, wasted no time in sprinting after him. As soon as he opened the door, he watch in horror Kokichi’s own slam closed. He ran to it as fast as he could manage on his shaking legs and desperately messed with the doorknob, hoping it would somehow unlock itself. He really wished he took Kokichi up on his offer to teach Shuichi how to pick locks as tears began to run down his face.</p><p><em>‘Fuck! What did you do?! You damn idiot!’</em> <br/>He cursed to himself whilst banging on the door. He knew it would probably scare Kokichi, but he didn’t care at the moment. Kokichi’s reaction wasn’t one even the world’s best actor could fake. He could see it in Kokichi’s face that he would do something really fucking stupid, causing Saihara to shudder at the thought.</p><p>“Kichi! Kichi let me in! I’m not gonna hurt you I just need to know you’re safe!” He pounded on the door fruitlessly.</p><p>“GONTA!” Shuichi screamed, stumbling piteously to bang on the ultimate entomologist’s dorm door. As soon as the door was opened, Gonta knew something was wrong seeing the tears run freely down Shuichi’s face.</p><p>“Shuichi? What wrong? Can Gonta help Shuichi?”</p><p>“Gonta please! I need your help to break down Kokichi’s door!” He sputtered out, grabbing Gonta’s hand, leading him to the dormitory belonging to none other than the ultimate supreme leader himself.</p><p>“What Shuichi want do that for?”the taller man looked thoroughly confused and concerned at the same time.</p><p>“Please Gonta! I really messed up and and Kokichi’s gonna hurt himself, I can just tell- just UGH-!” Shuichi rambled and grunted in frustration, stamping his foot.</p><p>“Kokichi <em>hurt</em> himself?”</p><p>“I know he will if we don’t get in there now!” Shuichi went from crying to full on sobbing. Gonta nodded, still confused, but trusting Shuichi, before taking a step back and ramming into the door at full force, tearing the door from it’s hinges.</p><p>“Kokichi!” Shuichi sped past the now empty door frame, not sure what to expect, he just prayed the he was <em>alive</em>.</p><p>Kokichi spent no time rolling down his sleeves, ignoring the red substance still pouring out of his wrists. He sat on his bed cross-legged and pulled something to his chest, trying his best to hide it from view. His eyes darted around the room and locked onto Shuichi.</p><p>“LEAVE!” He pleaded more than demanded. He couldn’t do this, he really couldn’t. Not again. Kokichi couldn’t help but be slightly comforted by Gonta’s presence, however. He wouldn’t hurt Kokichi, right? But damn it, he thought the same thing about Shuichi. Unsure of what to do, he just held the items in he possessed even closer to his chest, not wanting anyone to see what it was he had. Based on the red staining the white fabric covering his arms, Shuichi could guess what at least one thing Kokichi was trying to hide from view.</p><p>He didn’t care if he scared him at this point. Kokichi could hate Shuichi’s guts after this but it was worth it.</p><p>Shuichi ran over to him at full speed, grabbing Kokichi’s hands and pulling them away from his chest despite his desperation to keep what he held hidden.</p><p>There was a knife which Shuichi unfortunately expected, what he didn’t expect to see however, was a partially tied noose.</p><p>Shuichi let a loud sob wrack his shaking frame. Kokichi was bloody and broken, but he was so, so <em>alive</em>. The noises he made were pitiful to say the least; mostly composed of incoherent mumbling of “Please, please don’t” “I can’t take any more” “I don’t want it, I don’t want it!” It broke Shuichi’s heart.</p><p>Everything started to make sense. Kokichi never let people touch him and when he was touched at all despite his efforts to keep people from doing so, he’d look... odd. His face would go completely blank and he would leave immediately. But this was Kokichi Ouma. No one thought anything of it no matter how obvious the signs may have seemed.</p><p> </p><p>In the heat of the moment, Shuichi didn’t know what else to do other than give the supreme leader a hug.</p><p>
  <em>(A/N- Please never fucking do this.) </em>
</p><p>Kokichi tensed up and sobbed, expecting the worst... but it never came. Shuichi just hugged him and for some reason, it didn’t feel awful and nauseating like human contact usually did. He subconsciously leaded into the hug and put his arms loosely around Shuichi. Gonta caught onto the fact that this was a very intimate exchange and left, doing his very best to prop the broken door back up. “Wh-why are you hugging me...?” Kokichi was still in shock, mainly at himself for feeling safe in someone’s embrace. No flashbacks or panic, just a hug. “I can’t- I can’t lose you. I’ll do whatever I need to to keep you by my side.” Shuichi mumbled more to himself than Kokichi.</p><p>And for the first time in years, Kokichi felt at peace.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Use Me (KomaHina)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Slight smut and angst?</p><p>Komaeda did not mind being Hajime’s play thing. It didn’t hurt.<br/>It.<br/>Didn’t.<br/>Hurt.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The pleasure Nagito Komaeda felt at the hand of Hajime Hinata was <em>amazing, </em></p><p> </p><p>so why was it <em>so painful? </em>How did he let himself get carried away so easily?</p><p> </p><p>Hajime rolled his hips up into Komaeda, eliciting a lewd moan from the much weaker boy, Hinata’s hands placed firmly on Nagito’s hips.</p><p> </p><p>Nagito was a self-proclaimed whore.</p><p> </p><p>He happily gave his virginity, love, and everything he had to offer to Hinata, all for the sake of being <em>friends with benefits. </em>This arrangement had been going on for a few months at least, Nagito taking the blunt of all Hajime’s built up emotions and frustrations in the form of sex. <br/><br/></p><p>He didn’t mind that he was no more than a quick fuck, in fact, he was grateful that Hajime could use his body in such a way. If that’s how he could give Hajime hope, so be it. </p><p>Getting fucked so good came at the expense of his emotions, however. He loved Hajime far too much for his poor brain to handle.</p><p> </p><p>While, yes, he very much did want to get pounded into his mattress till he couldn’t remember his own name, he’d rather just get a kiss. Not a heated one that happens during foreplay or in the heat of the moment, or while getting his shit wrecked. <br/><br/></p><p>Just a kiss. Perhaps on the forehead, or maybe even the cheek. A small act of affection that gave him butterflies in his stomach. But such intimate interactions were for <em>couples. </em>Certainly not for a booty call.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>But if he could make Hinata feel good, his emotions were irrelevant. So even if he got rough, Nagito reminded himself that he was so <em>lucky </em>to be able to give his trash body to a symbol of hope, let alone the man he absolutely adored. <br/><br/></p><p>He didn’t mind being used. </p><p> </p><p>He didn’t mind being used.</p><p>He didn’t mind being used. He didn’t mind being used. He didn’t mind being used. He didn’t mind being used. <em>He didn’t mind being used. He didn’t mind being used. He didn’t mind being used. He didn’t mind being used. He didn’t mind being used.</em></p><p>
  <em>H e d i d n ‘ t m i n d b e i n g u s e d.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He was plagued by thoughts of his desperate, pleading face, Hinata’s grunts, the sound skin on skin, and white hot pleasure he experienced earlier that day  kept him awake.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>It was a good thing their rooms were sound-proof because Komaeda was NOT quiet, just like Hajime preferred. <br/><br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>He begged for Hajime, no matter how humiliating and unpleasant it was for Komaeda, because it made Hajime happy. <br/><br/></em>
</p><p><em>Even if all of it was for stress relief, even if it meant nothing, even if he got hurt, even if it made him feel worthless, he’d do it. He would do </em>anything<em> for Hajime Hinata.<br/><br/></em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Komaede was kept awake, just thinking about how easily replaceable he was. Hinata would find a real partner some time. Cursing himself for falling in love so easily, he stumbled to his bathroom. The Monokuma announcement would go off any minute, signaling the end of the day, but Nagito knew his day was far from over. He needed to hurt, to punish himself for being a fool, to distract himself from the double edged sword that was Hajime Hinata. Why did he have to fall for someone who just thought of him as a whore? A quick fuck whenever he wanted one.<br/><br/></p><p>A slut.</p><p>
  <em>Whore</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Faggot</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Worthless</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Unlovable</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Stupid</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Stupid stupid stupid stupidstupidstupidstupid </em>
</p><p>It had been a while since he’d cut himself. All that remained were little white lines that either no one saw or no one cared to comment on. But it’s not like anyone would care that he broke his clean streak. No one ever did and no one ever would.</p><p>So that’s exactly what he did. His clean streak was gone in seconds after he took a razor blade to his skin, slicing open the fragile surface hurriedly. <br/><br/></p><p>He missed it. The pain, the rush, and the blood.</p><p>And like a classic addict, he wanted more.</p><p> </p><p>Sobs began to wrack his thin frame, placing too many cuts on his wrists to count, yet he still had no intention of stopping. He wanted to<em> <b>hurt</b></em>. Once his arms were covered in blood and cuts, he moved on to his legs, then his stomach, then his chest. He cut his sickly form until his outer state finally matched with that of his mental state. <br/><br/></p><p>He was frustrated still. All he ever did was torture himself but you can only do so much with a razor blade, even with the mental fortitude Komaeda had.<br/><br/></p><p>He deserved <em>worse. <br/></em></p><p>So what better to do than go get screwed by the man he loved more than anything, regardless of whether or not he thought he was just a worthless, disgusting slut. <br/><br/></p><p>Nagito put on his clothes over his still bleeding injuries, thankful for his poor circulation which caused his cuts to slow their bleeding as soon as he got up and about.</p><p>He made sure to give himself a quick reminder.</p><p>‘Hajime<em> would never care about me, let alone the injuries.’ </em>He sighed, furious at himself.</p><p>He stormed out of his cottage, vigorously wiping tears from his eyes. He knocked four times, his signature knock to let Hajime know it was him.</p><p> </p><p>It only took a few seconds for the door to open up, revealing a tired looking Hajime.</p><p> </p><p>Nagito wasted no time in gripping at the brunette’s shirt, pushing him back into the room, slamming the door behind the pair. Hinata was confused as lips collided with his own, but it didn’t take long for him to get his ass in gear and readily accept the advances, quickly taking control.</p><p> </p><p>”What’s- with the- sudden- visit-?” Hinata breathed heavily between rough kisses. Hands already wondered to lewd places, pulling each other even closer. <br/><br/></p><p>“Nothing- just felt- like it-“ every few words cut out by a sloppy, rough kiss. Nagito managed to suppress his urge to cry between the emotions he was feeling and the fact that his badly cut wrists were pinned to the wall above his head in a tight grip. Desperate to just get used and thrown away again, to be punished for his own stupidity, he built up the courage to push Hinata away from him gently, ushering him to the bed. His shaking hands hurriedly undid the buttons on Hinata’s shirt. He was thankful that he wasn’t wearing his tie because his hands had basically gone numb, presumably from blood loss. The cuts had basically stopped bleeding, which he thanked Atua for, not wanting to get any blood on Hajime.</p><p> </p><p>Still in a passionate kiss, Hajime removed Nagito’s coat and threw it aside. When he opened his eyes to grab the hem of Komaeda’s shirt, his heart stopped.</p><p> </p><p>”N-Nagito?! What the fuck?!” He immediately let go of the sickly looking man.</p><p> </p><p>”Just shut up and kiss me.” Komaeda wasn’t in the mood to deal with whatever Hajime was about to start. He went in to kiss Hajime again but was stopped. <br/><br/></p><p>“No! Tell me what happened!” He stared wide-eyed at the man with paper white skin, covered shoulders to ankles in cuts.</p><p>”It doesn't matter just fuck me already.”</p><p>”I’m not gonna do anything when you’re like this!” </p><p>“I’m not here for you to get mad at me or pity me! Just fucking use me!” Nagito’s voice began to shake at the end, vocal cords failing him. He reached for Hajime’s belt, but Hinata quickly slapped his hand away.</p><p>”Sit down.” Hinata pointed to the bed.</p><p>Nagito sat, pulling his shirt over his head, thinking he was gonna finally get what he came for. His pants were pulled off to his delight, but Hajime didn’t make any advances. He just looked at the gashes in his thighs, tears pooling in his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>”Why...?”</p><p> </p><p>”Hajime just fuck me and let me leave. I came here for you to use me, that’s it.” Nagito never was this sassy, which surprised both of them.</p><p>”KOMAEDA! Tell me what happened!” Hajime said in the most demanding tone he could manage, urging him to answer his question. Nagito couldn’t suppress the flinch resulting from being yelled at.</p><p> </p><p>He hated being yelled at. It almost always sent him into a panic attack and this instance was of no exception. Nagito’s eyes filled with tears, scooting to the corner of the bed. His knees immediately found their way to his chest as his hands tugged at his white locks.</p><p>”Hey- I’m sorry if I scared you... please just talk to me.” Hajime go ton the bed and sat next to him, placing his hand on his knee. <br/><br/></p><p>“W-why are you- hic- being so nice? Why do you care?” His sobs were plagued by hiccups. <br/><br/></p><p>“Shhhh just try and calm down.” He rubbed his back and pulled him into a gentle hug. </p><p><br/>“Stay here I’ll be right back, I promise.” He kissed Nagito on the cheek. He hurried into the bathroom, exiting with bandages in hand.</p><p> </p><p>Komaeda had no idea what was going on.  Hajime was <em>so gentle</em>. Nagito was his <em>fucktoy</em>, his <em>plaything</em>, nothing more than a whore to him. So <em>why? <br/><br/></em></p><p>Why was Hajime bandaging Nagito’s self inflicted wounds? It was so gentle and intimate, which made him cry even harder. <br/><br/></p><p>
  <em>‘Why are you toying with my heart? STOP MAKING ME THINK YOU CARE!’</em>
</p><p> </p><p>”Are you doing okay?” Hajime had finished bandaging his arms and torso, reaching up to brush the hair out of Nagito’s tear stained face.</p><p>”I-I’m sorry! Does it hurt?” Hajime searched his eyes for any signs of discomfort, but all he got was silence and a quivering lip. <br/><br/></p><p>“Well I ran out of bandages. Is it okay if I go to the supermarket to get more?” Hajime held his face gently. All he could bring himself to do was give a small nod.</p><p>“Okay I’ll be right back, I promise.” Hajime left after a quick kiss on the forehead, sprinting towards the supermarket. <br/><br/></p><p>Nagito wished this was some fanfiction in which he’d kill himself as soon as he was left alone and the person would come back and it would be all dramatic and sad, but it wasn’t. He was <em>tired</em>. Far too tired to even move from where he sat. <br/><br/></p><p>That didn’t stop him from digging his nails into the fresh wounds on his thighs, however. His thighs and wrists took the blunt of his self destructive breakdown, but he didn’t dare mess up the bandages Hajime covered his wrists in, so thighs it was. He was so stupid, falling for such a perfect person. Blood began to drip from his thighs, irritating the wounds. He wondered how much he could bleed without actually cutting... he had every intention of finding out until he was interrupted by Hajime racing back into the room.</p><p>”I’m back and I- ... oh...” Hajime’s eyes widened before he dropped everything he had and quickly took Komaeda’s hands in his own, mainly to keep him from digging further into his open cuts. <br/><br/></p><p>“Shhh... please don’t do that.” Hinata placed Komaeda’s hands at his side before wiping his tears. </p><p>“Can you please tell me why you’re hurting yourself...?” Hajime’s words held the slightest tinge of hurt. </p><p> </p><p>“It just hurts....”</p><p>”What hurts?”</p><p>”...you...”</p><p>”M-me?” Hajime pulled his hands away from Komaeda’s face.</p><p>”I’m just so fucking stupid.” Nagito sobbed.</p><p>”What...?” Hajime was confused, wondering what he did wrong.</p><p>”I fell in love with you b-but I know I’m... I’m just your fucktoy... I know that you’ll find someone you love and and you’ll leave me behind cause you won’t need me. I love it when you use me but it hurts so damn much to be so fucking useless that my only redeeming quality is a sex drive and that’s about i-“ he was cut off.</p><p> </p><p>”Komaeda-“ he was shocked by what he’d heard, “you aren’t a... a <em>fucktoy</em>,” the words felt awful rolling off his tongue, forcing him to swallow the bile creeping up the back of his throat. “You mean so much to me and I’m not just saying that to make you feel better. I would never do what we do with someone I didn’t love. You were my first Nagito and I’ve never done it with anyone else. I genuinely have never felt the way I feel about you towards anyone else.”</p><p>”Y-you what...?” Nagito’s mouth was left wide open.</p><p>”This is a shitty way to say this for the first time but... I love you. I really do.” Hajime had finished bandaging every wound the man had given himself. <br/><br/></p><p>“Do you promise?” Hajime picked him up carefully and placed him under the covers, getting in himself just seconds later.</p><p>”Pinky promise.” He kissed his forehead before placing Nagito on top of himself in a hug.</p><p> </p><p>It only took a few seconds like that for Komaeda to fall asleep. He woke up far too quickly for his liking.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Waking up in the hospital.</p><p> </p><p>Mikan said he should have by all means died of blood loss from all the cuts. Apparently Hajime found him on his bathroom floor, unresponsive. <br/><br/></p><p>Mikan called him lucky for surviving, but if you were to ask Nagito, the supposed “ultimate lucky student”, he’d tell you to opposite was true.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>So if you missed it, all the self harm happened but Nagito passed out and nearly died from blood loss and all the fluffy shit that happened was just a dream he had while unconscious.</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>From the bottom of my heart...</strong>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>oops</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. It’s Too Late (KomaHina)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Komaeda felt like the world’s biggest, weakest bitch.</p><p>He was pinned against a wall, completely and utterly helpless.</p><p>Nagito told Hajime he’d be back from work by 5, but it was well past that time frame.</p><p>He wondered how he got into a situation such as this. One minute he was walking home from the bakery he and Hinata owned, the next he was in an alleyway, pressed against a brick wall in a less than desirable position.</p><p> </p><p><br/>Nagito had been through a lot in his lifetime, but this... </p><p>This was the worst. He felt like he was being torn apart from the inside, however, none of the physical agony could compare to that of his mental turmoil.</p><p>He felt dirty. This made him a cheater, did it not? So what if he didn’t want it? He should have put up more of a fight so he couldn’t say it was rape, or so his irrational brain lead him to deduct.</p><p>How could he face Hinata, especially whilst covered in bite marks, hickeys, and someone else’s cum?</p><p>It was all too much for his poor brain to process: the pain, the guilt, and the dread.<br/>He made no attempt to stand after the stranger left, leaving Nagito completely shattered. Everything hurt so much. He failed to ignore the blood dripping down his thighs, despite how hard he tried.</p><p>All he could hope for was death, but he had no wounds that would warrant eternal rest, much to Komaeda’s dismay.</p><p>Hinata would hate him, surely. Why would he care about a filthy whore? Nagito let his irrationality lead him to sickening conclusions.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Hajime knew something was <em>very</em> wrong. It had been hours passed the time Komaeda should have been home. Deciding it was best to go look for Nagito, Hinata began the route they both walked to get to their bakery. Upon arrival, he discovered the store had long since closed, causing his heartbeat to speed up drastically. He’d hoped he’d just got caught up, but seeing his theory disproven, realization sunk in that he could be anywhere, <em>doing anything</em>.</p><p>Hinata decided it would be best to head back towards their apartment, this time paying attention to his surroundings.</p><p>He wasn’t particularly an observant person per-say, but he was apparently enough so to notice a form slumped against a wall which branched off from an alleyway they often took as a short cut. He swallowed the bile that rose in his throat as he ran over to the man with fluffy white hair.</p><p>”Hey! Nagi baby- hey! Are you okay?” He knelt down frantically and cupped the half conscious man’s face delicately in his own hands. The first thing Hajime noted was the blood dripping down his face and his clothing situation. Nagito had managed to put on his pants, but there were clear holes in the knees of the pants, evidence of how he had been pushed onto his knees and forced to do things unspeakable. His shirt was ripped, hanging off his lithe frame piteously while his signature green coat was nowhere to be seen. <br/><br/>Hajime wasn’t scared.</p><p>He wasn’t scared by the blood dripping out of Nagito’s mouth and nose, or the way his pale form shook violently and spasmed randomly, or the many tears still present on his fiancé’s face.</p><p>He was fucking <em>terrified</em>. <br/><br/></p><p>His poor, overworked brain was going 100 miles a minute trying to piece together what happened to his fiancé. <br/><br/></p><p>“Ko- Ko stay with me!” He lightly tapped Nagito’s cheek gently as he fought to keep his weak head up and failing miserably, head falling to forward only to be yanked back up just to repeat the cycle again and again. Nagito’s eyes stared right through him, not even registering who was in front of him. Hajime knew that he likely wouldn’t get any sort of response, verbally or physically, from Komaeda for a while. <br/><br/></p><p>Deciding it would be best to just carry the thin man home, he put one arm behind his back and the other behind his thighs, causing the boy to let out a poorly repressed sob, shaking his head no all the while. Hajime fought the tears coming to his eyes at the sight.</p><p>”It’s okay, baby. It’s me. It’s just Hajime.” He tried his best to reassure the man in his arms as he stood up, holding him close to his chest, despite the fact that he was barely able to hold himself together. <br/><br/>It was late enough that the streets had been left empty, which Hajime was eternally grateful for. He knew damn well that Nagito wouldn’t want anyone to see him like this. It would be incredibly easy to draw attention to the pair, all things considered. <br/><br/></p><p>Hinata walked home as fast as he could with his broken fiancé in hand, but to be fair, Komaeda was very light, alarmingly so. <br/><br/></p><p>The door to their apartment opened with a creak, Hinata letting out a sigh of relief. He took the shaking man into their shared bedroom and set him down on the bed as soon as gently as he could manage with all the adrenaline coursing through his veins. <br/><br/></p><p>Hinata was clueless. How was he supposed to handle this situation? How the hell could he make it better?</p><p>Normally he’d just cuddle him and put on a movie, but given the current situation, he figured the last thing Komaeda would want would be getting touched. Hajime was <em>clueless</em>. He just found his fucking fiancé in an alleyway and he just got fucking ra-</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Hinata cut off his own racing thoughts. He promised himself he wouldn’t jump to conclusions, but how could he <em>not?! </em>Taking one look at the bite marks and hickeys, it wasn’t hard to draw a conclusion.</p><p>He took a deep breath, trying to calm down. He took a look at the now completely unconscious man before him. He was beautiful, even if he was broken. He asked Komaeda to marry him because he loved him and he was prepared to keep doing so till his final breath, no matter what. He <strike>could</strike> would handle anything for Komaeda.<br/><br/></p><p>But when he caught a glimpse of the crimson blood that stained the crotch of Nagito’s pants, he felt like throwing up. He stumbled to the bathroom in a haze before falling to his knees in front of the toilet and expelling the contents of his stomach. He never knew one could be sick from internal pain like that.</p><p><br/>He could help but wonder...</p><p>What if he had gone to look for him sooner? What if he’d stayed with Nagito at the bakery and walked home with him? <br/><br/></p><p>
  <em>How could he have protected him better?</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Hajime was known to find ways to blame himself in every situation, playing thousands of “what if” scenarios in his head. <br/><br/></p><p>But when he looked back at the man laying limply on the bed, he remembered this wasn’t about him. It was about making Nagito feel better and what better way to do that than what he does best? Baking.<br/>Nagito <em>adored </em>Hajime’s coffee cake. He made it for Nagito on the same night he first told his then boyfriend he loved him. He’s made it for him every celebration and every time a pick-me-up was in order. It was safe to say it was Nagito’s comfort and favorite food out there.</p><p> </p><p>Hajime took a few minutes to brush away the sour taste of bile that lingered in his mouth before checking one last time on Komaeda. To Hajime’s pleasure, he was still out cold, he just hoped he was having good dreams full of smiles and fun before he had to wake up to this shitty reality he was in. He gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead and made his way to the kitchen. <br/><br/></p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Komaeda woke up in agony, both physically and mentally. He wanted to know <em>why</em>. <br/><br/></p><p>Why him?</p><p>Why couldn’t he just fuck him like a regular, non-sadistic person and go?</p><p>Why did he have to make him feel less than the scum of the earth?</p><p>Why was he forced to do <em>things</em> to that man that were too revolting to even mention?</p><p>
  <em>why why why why whywhywhywhywhywhywhy-</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Komaeda hated himself so much. He unfortunately blamed himself, like many other victims, for what happened.</p><p>
  <em>Everything hurt.</em>
</p><p>It wasn’t until he realized he was at home in his bed that he realized Hinata must have found him.</p><p>
  <em>He found him.</em>
</p><p>The guilt built up in him chest let itself out in the form of a sob. When he hid his face in his hands, the cool metal of his engagement ring grazed his cheek bone and brought it to his attention.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Hinata was alerted by the sob that Komaeda was now awake and in a state of panic. Without a second thought, he dropped everything and bolted to Nagito’s location. His eyes went wide when he stepped in the room. Komaeda spewed out a string of “I’m sorry”s as any composure he might have had slipped through his fingers. As the apologies flew from his mouth, Nagito took the engagement ring he once wore and extended it toward the man who gave it to him. Hajime slowly took it from him, confused. <br/><br/></p><p>“...what...?” Hinata inspected the jewelry in the palm of his hand. <br/><br/></p><p>“... do you... not wanna marry me..?” Hajime failed to take into account what just occurred, feeling personally responsible.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s not about what <b>I</b> <em>want!</em> It’s about what <b>you</b> <em>deserve!</em>” Komaeda’s sobs were heart wrenching.</p><p>”You deserve someone who isn’t just a filthy <em>whore</em>, Hinata-Kun!” The use of his last name with the honorific made Hinata flinch, chilled to the core by his words.</p><p> </p><p>”<em>Don’t</em>- say that about yourself, Ko!” Hajime would be lying if he said he wasn’t absolutely <em>terrified </em>listening to him spill his guts out. <br/><br/></p><p>“I love you so fucking much and I’ll be damned if I give that up for something that was completely out of your control.” Hajime made a point to look him in the eyes.<br/><br/></p><p>Nagito’s sobs settled to soft sniffles and whimpers, soon after. Hinata sat down on the bed next to his partner and opened his arms as a way to invite the other into a hug.</p><p>Komaeda reminded himself that <em>Hajime was safe</em> and carefully cuddled into his chest. Hinata was cautious to place his arms on his upper back loosely to avoid making him panic or suffer through any more trauma than he’d already dealt with.</p><p> </p><p>”B-but... maybe if- if I- I coulda fought harder-“ Hajime sighed and began to play with the other man’s white hair. <br/><br/></p><p>“You didn’t do anything wrong, jellybean. None of it was your fault.” Hajime planted a gentle kiss on his forehead.</p><p> </p><p>”I love you and that will never change.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Wither (Part 1)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Someone please go help Ouma.<br/>Also read the end note if you want a second part!<br/>I’ve been trying to make these oneshots at least 2000 words but I don’t have that kind of motivation haha</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Monokuma said he’d come up with a new motive, Kokichi Ouma didn’t expect for half of his classmates’ personalities to do a full 180° overnight. Of course, at the time he was completely oblivious to the fact that in reality, their personalities had actually been restored.</p><p> </p><p>According to Monokuma, the people who would fall subject to the latest motive would be Kaito, Shuichi, Angie, Korekiyo, Kirumi, Miu, and Kiibo. Ouma couldn’t help but feel incredibly lucky that his name didn’t find its way to that list.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kokichi didn’t necessarily expect to walk in on World War III the next morning, by any means, but he expected <em>something</em>.</p><p> </p><p>It was completely silent in the dinning hall. Kirumi didn’t make the whole class breakfast like she usually would. In fact, she was nowhere to be seen. Everyone just ate miscellaneous foods from the pantry, only small whispers being exchanged. Kirumi was the only one who wasn’t there, everyone else had gathered around one general point in the room to eat, aside from Kaito Momota and Shuichi Saihara. They sat together which Kokichi didn’t know how to feel about. It was so normal, yet so strange, seeing the two together as they were. Neither had any food in front of them, for what reason Kokichi would never find out, but the most alarming part was the way both of them stared at Ouma. It was <em>suffocating</em>. The duo gave off an awful aura that Kokichi simply couldn’t shake off no matter how hard he tried. Just looking at the pair urged bile to creep up the back of his throat. <br/><br/></p><p>It was too much for him. Even though no one was even so much as acknowledging him anymore, Kokichi left. He <strike>refused</strike> couldn’t be around that group for a second longer. It’s not like he was gonna die without a piece of toast. <br/><br/></p><p>Usually the supreme leader would have been observant enough to notice the very two men he was actively avoiding get up and begin to follow behind him, but this wasn’t necessarily a “normal” situation. The two people who were willing to deal with him and took the time to get to know the real Kokichi Ouma, were now deceased. Rantaro and Kaede were so kind. Hell, Kokichi even developed feelings for Rantaro. When he passed Rantaro’s door on his way to his own dorm, he let out a deep sign. He missed both of them, even if he’d never admit it to his peers. Tears began to form  as he closed his door behind him, that is until a shoe was wedged in the door at the last second. Kokichi was confused. <em>He</em> was the one to go around pestering people all day so what the hell was someone doing at <em>his</em> door. He let out a sigh, an annoyed look very prevalent on his features as he opened the door up to whoever stood outside. <br/><br/></p><p>“What the hell do you wh- GH!” Kokichi’s words were cut short as he was pushed backwards. In came the two men he’d actively been avoiding, Shuichi and Kaito. Kokichi sat up as the door clicked shut</p><p> </p><p> </p><p><br/>and <em>locked</em>.</p><p>
  <em> <b>Shit.</b> </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ouma put on the fiercest glare he could possibly muster in his panic. “The fuck do you dumbasses want?” He really couldn’t bring himself to put on his usual, cheerful mask of lies. <br/><br/></p><p>“Doesn’t matter to you. You don’t have any say in the matter anyways.” The way Shuichi spoke made Kokichi’s blood run cold. It was terrifying and so, <em>so</em> far from the Shuichi he’d come to know. Shuichi was kind, patient, and loving. The man towering over him now was the complete opposite. <br/><br/></p><p>Kaito couldn’t be further from the idiotically optimistic man he knew. He hadn’t even uttered a word, but his body language <em>screamed</em> “sick fuck”. <br/><br/></p><p>Ouma wasn’t given the opportunity to ponder on the matter any further, however. He’d been aggressively lifted by both of his shoulders and slammed into the wall. Kokichi couldn’t think of the last time he’d had no words for the situation at hand, but now, the only thing that came out of his mouth were shaky, panicked breaths. He didn’t know what the hell the duo wanted to do with him, but they clearly had malicious intentions. He knew both men were stronger, one of which was essentially a fucking wall of muscle. Kaito completed countless hours physical training in his pursuit to become an astronaut. <br/><em>Kokichi was doomed the second he opened the door</em>.</p><p>”Get the FUCK off of me!” Kokichi’s composed demeanor going out the window, kicking and demanding answers. He tried to sound confident but his voice failed him, shaking and strained. The hands holding him to the wall were removed, but the relief Kokichi felt was brief to say the least. <br/><br/>Kaito was now in front of him, pulling his shoulders down as Kaito’s knee made contact with Kokichi’s stomach, causing excruciating pain to pulse outward throughout his entire torso. An undignified whimper left his mouth, which Kokichi quickly wished he could take back when he heard Saihara cackle. A punch to the face quickly followed. That was going to leave one hell of a mark.</p><p>”Shut the hell up and take this quietly, or I’ll beat you so fucking hard that you’ll be in a coma.” Kaito growled in his ear.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kokichi wished he did. He wished he was in a coma, or at least unconscious. He wished he beat the fuck out of him. He wished for anything but <em>that</em>. It was awful. Even though Kokichi was in a killing game, he wanted nothing more in that moment to just die. <br/><br/></p><p> </p><p>Well, he’d got what he deserved, at least in his mind. I mean, he couldn’t possibly rationalize how two people he trusted could do such horrible things if it <em>wasn’t</em> his fault. Yes, there was the personality change, but he couldn’t help but cling to the trust he had in the two just a day prior.</p><p> </p><p>It had to be his fault... <em>right</em>...? <br/><br/></p><p> </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>So uh shawties if this book gets 50 kudos or something I’ll start writing a part 2.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Wither (Part 2)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Part 2 as promised and I’m so sorry</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>It hurt. Everything hurt.</em>
</p><p>Kokichi blamed himself for everything. Kaito and Shuichi told him that he deserved to be used, mocked, and hated, so he believed them.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>”Just let it happen.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ouma gave up resisting. He was locked inside Kaito’s room for the past three weeks, not able to go see <strike>his friends</strike> see his <em>classmates</em>, only getting the food and water necessary to live from the two men holding him captive. The duo would take turns going out and about to do whatever they pleased while the other stayed with Kokichi, making sure he had no chance to escape.<br/><br/></p><p>He was hungry, so so hungry. Hungry for human contact that wasn’t violent or disgusting. Hungry for the feeling of sun on his pale skin, or his own bed, or <em>anything</em>. Anything that wasn’t <em>this</em>.</p><p> </p><p>So when Kaito and Shuichi started calling Kokichi their <em>boyfriend</em>, it made Ouma feel just a little cared for. And all it took was a small amount of feeings to make Kokichi submit. When you crave love and approval so badly, it’s easy to dive head first towards the first person who shows you attention, whether it be good or bad.</p><p>And those people just so happened to be the same people holding him captive.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>”Who’s our good little toy?” Kaito stroked Kokichi’s face gently, laying beside Ouma.<br/><br/></p><p>“M-me.” Kokichi subconsciously leaned into his warm hand, tears wiped away by Kaito’s thumb. His gentle touch felt amazing after the torture his body had just endured. <br/><br/></p><p>Ouma wondered if Shuichi and Kaito were always this rough with their toys when they were kids.</p><p> </p><p>”And did you learn your lesson?” Shuichi laid on the other side of Kokichi, tucking his unkempt hair behind his ear.</p><p> </p><p>”Yes s-sir...” Ouma whimpered, eyes firmly closed.</p><p> </p><p>”Good boy.” Shuichi planted a kiss on his forehead, disregarded the blood dripping down his face. It was <em>so soft </em>and<em> gentle</em>. <br/><br/></p><p>Kokichi hated it. He was falling in love with these sadistic mother fuckers.</p><p>
  <b>(A/N- I just want to clarify that this is called Stockholm’s Syndrome, I’m not glamorizing abuse in any way. Some kidnapped victims believe they are in love with their captor, often due to manipulation. I just wanted to clarify that he is NOT in love. He’s the victim of brainwashing.)</b>
</p><p> </p><p>It was so much more affection than he deserved.</p><p>Kokichi had lost any self esteem and sense or worth he had prior, which really wasn’t much, to be fair. Every time Kaito and Shuichi boarder line tortured Kokichi, he reminded himself,</p><p>
  <em>‘I deserve it. All of it.’</em>
</p><p>The pain always went away, but their love remained, right?</p><p>“What are you, pretty boy?” Shuichi ran his fingers through Kokichi’s hair.</p><p>”I-I’m Momota-kun’s and Shuichi-kun’s. I belong to them and I will do everything I can to serve them.” Kokichi spoke as if he’d said those words a thousand times prior and to be fair, he probably had. </p><hr/><p>Over time Shuichi and Kaito seemed to slowly gain parts of their personalities back. Both of them were kinder and gentler, even if it was only by a little bit. They still didn’t let him go or stop using his body, however, but Kokichi wasn’t really in any position to decline in the first place. Kokichi also began to gain their trust, earning privileges he hadn’t had for what felt like years, like being left without supervision or sleeping in a bed.</p><p> </p><p>Kokichi could get used to it. </p><p>
  <em>It would be fine.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Or so he deeply tried to convince himself.</p><p> <br/>It wasn’t until a week later when he was getting beaten particularly bad for trying to peek outside the room (all he wanted was to see the light, to feel the sunlight dance over his pale skin,) that he finally <em>couldn’t</em> convince himself that everything would be fine; when he struggled to breathe, blood filling his lung after a particularly rough stomp to his chest, which broke some ribs, one of which punctured his lung.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <em>Blood.</em>
</p><p><em>There was so much blood</em>.</p><p>The last thing he remembered was the massive amounts of blood he coughed up, still laid on the floor, shaky and weak.</p><p>Kaito lit a cigarette, pressing the burning end into Kokichi’s back, as he normally did to wake Ouma up whenever he passed out from pain.</p><p>But this time, his broken body didn’t jolt back to life like it usually did.</p><p>Kaito dug the cigarette deep into his neck, only to get the same reaction, or rather lack there of.</p><p> </p><p>Nothing Kaito or Shuichi did to get him to regain consciousness worked. Kokichi Ouma never did get to feel the warm sun on his face, nor did he ever feel anything again.</p><p>He was dead.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Uh comment if you want an alternate ending cause I know this ending is not what anyone wanted or expected so my bad shawties.<br/>Bye ily guys</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. And You Always Will Be. (SaiOuma?)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This is super short but hey! It’s something! And shit bro, two posts in a week? Dayum. Also sorry for projecting on Kokichi for the 373950183710290629493627th time.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>“No one wants to be around you! You’re alone, Kokichi, and you always will be.”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kokichi Ouma ran shaky, bloody fingers through his violet locks, breathing erratic and seemingly untamable.</p><p>Somehow, he was still smiling, with a razor blade in his hands and permanent slash marks on his thighs, and he <em>hated</em> it. He no longer knew how to <em>not</em> lie, specifically to himself. Then again, that <em>was</em> the reason he’d be alone forever, according to the ultimate detective and who was a pathetic piece of trash like him to question Shuichi’s verdict.</p><p> </p><p>He wanted to take it all back. He didn’t want Gonta to die. Gonta was the only one who cared for Ouma. <br/><em><br/>He wished he had died instead.</em></p><p>Kokichi didn’t bother trying to rid his mind if the thought; he knew he deserved it. <br/><br/></p><p>
  <em>He killed Gonta. He killed Miu.</em>
</p><p>Despite his inability to show human affection, he cared about both of them deeply. Even though he and Miu picked on eachother brutally, both of them had a sort of emotional connection with the other brought on by a mutual understanding. Both of them had shitty “parents”, if you could call them that. Miu was left to desperately try and find some sort of validation or acceptance, taught her only valuable asset was her body. She didn’t have a dad, just a bunch of disgusting, fat alcoholics who “dated” her mother, but they really just took advantage of Miu and her mom; Miu physically for her body and her mom for a place to stay and to do drugs. Miu ended up having these abominations forced on her time and time again, ruining any chance of her having a normal, stable life.</p><p>Kokichi was left permanently small due to chronic malnutrition throughout his childhood and he got emotionally fucked in every sense of the word. His parents beat the shit out of him constantly and he got bullied <em>badly</em> on top of that. Both of them were hated by life itself and it connected them in a way no one else at that damn school could ever begin to understand. <br/><br/><br/></p><p> </p><p>Kokichi’s frame was wracked by a sob thinking about Miu, but even more so his own home life. He <em>hated</em> those mother fuckers and the monster they created: him.<br/><br/></p><p>They made Kokichi Ouma and for that, he could never forgive them for.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He slowly put the razor to his pale wrist, heart pounding.</p><p>
  <em>This was the right thing.</em>
</p><p>Just one well placed gash and his pathetic existence would be over. No more pain. No more regret. No more guilt. No more <em>anything</em>.</p><p> </p><p>So he did it; both wrists just to be sure.</p><p> </p><p>He looked down at the gaping wounds running vertically down his wrists with an almost euphoric feeling. <br/><br/></p><p>Shuichi was right. He would always be alone</p><p>so he’d die alone.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>That was, until a staticky noise rang out through Ouma’s room.</p><p>His room’s intercom?</p><p>”Ouma-kun... we need to talk.”</p><p> </p><p>Ouma should have been infuriated to hear his voice. He should have hated the man who sprung this breakdown into existence, but he didn’t. Kokichi would be lying if he said he wasn’t grateful in some sick, twisted way. Shuichi gave him the final push he needed to finally get eternal rest. <br/><br/>Kokichi was still in love with Saihara and there wasn’t a thing Shuichi could do to make the supreme leader hate him.</p><p> </p><p>Kokichi fell for the string-bean nerd with astronomical amounts of anxiety <em>and the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen. </em>Kokichi just wanted to see Shuichi smile, just one last time.<br/><br/>Saihara wanted Kokichi to <em>die</em>, or so he believed. Getting to watch the life drain from his eyes would make him happy, right? Ouma wanted to make him happy just once, every other time he’d try to make Saihara happy, his plan would back fire in his face and make the detective hate him<em> even more</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Kokichi used the last of his strength to stumble piteously to his door, using the wall to steady himself, ignoring the trail of blood he left in his wake. <br/><br/></p><p>Gripping the door knob, a small smile formed on his nearly lifeless lips.</p><p>
  <em>’This is for you, my beloved. Please, let this make you happy. Let something I do for once make your heart race in excitement, like you’ve done to me so many times.”</em>
</p><p>Ouma swung the door open, struggling to even keep his eyelids open.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>To say Shuichi was <em>mortified</em> would be one hell of a hyperbole. </p><p><br/>He came to ask Ouma for forgiveness for the cruel things he’d said, but this is what he got instead. Karma’s a bitch, Saihara reckoned.</p><p><br/>Ouma was filled with despair upon seeing  Shuichi’s reaction. He thought he would smile and laugh in glee, not stare in horror.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>’I guess I couldn’t make you happy right up to the end, huh Shumai?’</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Kokichi gave into the intoxicating feeling of unconsciousness, falling to the floor with a <em>thud</em>.</p><p> </p><p><em>”HELP! PLEASE, HELP! SOMEONE! Oh God, Kokichi! Why?! Stay with me please!”</em> Shuichi screamed for help until his throat was raw, cradling Ouma in his shaking arms.</p><p>All the remaining students burst out of their doors, eager to see what the commotion was all about.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>*ding dong bing bong*</em>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <b>”A body has been discovered! Now, after a certain amount of time has passed, the class trial will begin!”</b>
</p><p> </p><p>No one could possibly comprehend what had occurred. They didn’t want to believe it, but they had no choice, watching Shuichi sob over the supreme leader’s corpse, holding his lifeless body tightly to his chest.<br/>There was no denying it.</p><p> </p><p>Kokichi Ouma, the compulsive liar with a larger than life personality that brought people together for all the wrong reasons, had taken his own life.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. His Worth is not for You to Decide (SaiMotaKawa)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I really don’t know what the actual ship name is but this is Shuichi x Kaito x Maki!<br/>If this feels rushed, that’s because it was. While in the middle of writing I clicked post instead of save draft so I had to come up with a really quick ending.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shuichi anticipated it every night. He knew it was coming and he <em>dreaded</em> it. Every night was plagued with night terrors of things he oh so wished to forget. Shuichi hadn’t been able to get a good nights rest since the first day<em> it </em>happened.</p><p>The night his uncle came into his room in the middle of the night. When he put his hands over his nephew, a <em>child, </em>in whatever way he pleased.</p><p>He always told Shuichi he was being the selfish one, getting in the way of his uncle’s “<em>needs</em>”. He’d beg him to stop, but after all, it was just “<em>stress relief,</em>” or so he told ten year old Shuichi. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>It isn’t like anyone would believe Shuichi if he so much as dreamt of telling someone in the first place. His uncle was the <em>hero</em> of the story.<em> He caught the bad guys and put them in jail. He saved people. No way </em><span class="u">he</span><em> could be molesting his own nephew. </em>Shuichi learned this at a young age when people first started asking questions about the bruises, and the way he’d jump whenever someone so much as <em>attempted</em> to touch him. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Shuichi <b><em>saw</em></b> them notice. </p><p><br/>
Yet, no one did <em><b>shit</b></em> to save him. He watched person after person leave him in the hands of his tormentor for <em>eight fucking years</em>. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Put in the hands of this man- his <em>uncle</em>- who touched where he pleased and tore off his<em> clothes off and made Shuichi touch him and rape him and-</em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>and he woke up. Shuichi woke up in tears, trembling and sobbing pathetically. He shot out of bed, eyes wide. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>This wasn’t his room. Thiswasn’thisroomthiswasn’thisroomthiswasn-<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Shuichi?” A soft voice cut off his thoughts. A flood of relief hit when he realized he’d just fallen asleep in his girlfriend’s room and he was only with his boyfriend.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Hey, Shuichi, are you with me?” Shuichi let the comforting sound of his boyfriend’s voice calm his heart ever so slightly.</p><p>Kaito sat made eye contact with Shuichi, making sure not to get too close. Thankfully, Kaito never asked questions. He had no idea what the hell had caused all the trauma Shuichi suffered with, but he knew, or rather learned, how to help him through it as best as he could.</p><p>”Do you want me to go get Maki? She should just be in the hallway. You look like you could use a Maki-roll hug.” <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Saihara nodded, breathing erratic. He wanted Maki. Yes, Kaito was good at comforting him but he needed a hug and Kaito was strong and he had strong arms and big strong hands <em>just like the ones the used to feel him up and force his legs open and-</em></p><p> </p><p>He just needed Maki. She was always so soft and gentle with him. Her hands reminded Shuichi of his mother’s. His mother’s kind warm hands before his father and her both died in a car crash. The same one he lived through for some <em>stupid fucking reason.</em></p><p> </p><p>Thin arms wrapped loosely around his trembling frame. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“M’sorry I’m- sorry!” Shuichi quickly returned the gesture. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“You didn’t do anything wrong, love.” Maki lovingly ran her fingers through his hair. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Bu-but you deserve better! Both of you!” Maki could feel his tears soaking into her red shirt. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Why would you say that?” Kaito tried to chime in.</p><p> </p><p>”Cause you guys have to deal with this every night and and you don’t even know why and I fucking hate myself for it and I just wanna die-“ </p><p>“Sh-Shuichi... what did you just say?” Kaito was taken aback. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“I want to <em>die</em>, Kaito!” Shuichi unintentionally lashed out. Kaito was ready to interject but was cut off by Maki raising a hand to him, signaling for him to stop. She knew that Kaito had very little self-restraint when it came to arguing for the people he cared about, Shuichi included and would try and shout his love into Saihara.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Shuichi, we’re here to support you no matter what. We want to be here.”</p><p>”You guys at least deserve an explanation or <em>something</em> but apparently I’m too useless to even give you that much.”</p><p>”We don’t expect you to give us one, but we’ll listen if you wanna tell us.”</p><p>“I’m just scared...”</p><p>”Don’t push yourself.” Maki wiped the tears from his cheeks.</p><p>”I-I wanna tell you... just... promise you won’t think any less of me.” His words were an amalgamation of a plea and a statement. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“What are you afraid we’ll see you as?” Kaito sat down on the bed.</p><p>“U-uh... a whore.” Shuichi’s words came out quickly, just above a whisper. It was a wonder both Maki and Kaito heard him.</p><p>“Shuichi... did... did someone <em>touch</em> you?” Maki looked horrified. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“M-my parents they died n’ my uncle took care of me but he... he did really bad things to me and-“ a sob broke through his rushed words, causing him to curl in on himself. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Shhhh it’s okay. We understand,” Kaito nodded as Maki spoke even though he clearly didn’t have much, if any understanding, “and we don’t think any less of you. In fact, I think you’re incredible. You are so strong.” Maki tried her best to maintain eye contact but Shuichi clearly couldn’t comply, eyes fixed on his hands in his lap.</p><p>”Shuichi, I need you to look at me for just a second. You are not a... <em>whore</em>, Shuichi. You never have been and you never will be. Nothing that <em>he</em> did to you was your fault.” Maki looked at him, nothing but genuine concern and earnestness in her eyes. Not even Shuichi could misconstrue or misinterpret her words. <em>She still loved him</em>. Shuichi lifted his head, locking eyes with Maki. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Y-you... don’t <em>hate</em> me...?”</p><p>”Hell no!” Kaito interjected, sensing Shuichi was now calm enough to be okay with his physical comfort as well. Kaito rubbed his upper back softly, careful to no put his hand anywhere near places that would make Shuichi upset.</p><p>”Sorry, but you’re stuck with us, sidekick.”</p><p>Shuichi sighed with unimaginable amounts of relief, grateful for his amazing partners. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>That night, for the first time in what felt like decades, Shuichi slept soundly in the arms of his amazing boyfriend and girlfriend.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>It was breakfast the following day and Shuichi was still very emotionally vulnerable, as would be expected after the tough discussion he’d had the night prior. <br/>
Shuichi found himself hiding behind Maki, but more specifically Kaito since he was much larger and offered more protection for the unwanted glares from his classmates, which would be unavoidable considering his current appearance. His eyes were red and puffy from a long night of tears, his hair was a disaster, and he had dark circles that would put author-Chan’s to shame. Despite his best efforts, Saihara was called out almost immediately.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Dayum! Did Homota bang you all last night and keep you up, Pooichi? You look like shit! And here I thought you would be a forever-virgin!” Miu cackled with her hands on her hips.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ouch.</em>
</p><p>The whole idea of virginity was a sore subject, to say the least.</p><p><em>Oh, how he wished he could take his virginity back</em>.</p><p>Saihara only stared at the ground in response, not paying any kind to what she said about Kaito. All he wanted was his innocence back. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Both Kaito and Maki’s stomachs churned when they saw the blank stare Shuichi wore. Shuichi was in his own head and only the two of them knew how dangerous it was. They’d treated enough of Shuichi’s wounds to know just how dark of a place his head could be. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“Miu shut the fuck up, or I will sew your disgusting mouth shut. Permanently.” Maki was fuming and Momota wasn’t much better. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“What the hell is wrong with you? That’s not it, but either way, you do not get to go around and say shit like that to Shuichi!” Everyone fell dead silent.</p><p>”Stop getting pissy with him just cuz your diet pills aren’t working.” No one expected Maki to go in for the metaphorical kill like that, especially not Miu.</p><p>”T-the hell?! At least I’m not like emo mc-whore-atron over here who can’t take a joke! He can cry and slit his wris-!”</p><p> </p><p>Maki was choking Miu in seconds. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>“I fucking warned you, bitch.”</p><p>”Maki-roll, don’t kill her. That’s not gonna make Shuichi feel any better, is it?” Kaito clearly was restraining himself from cheering her on. If anything, he wanted to be the one to kill her.</p><p>”Why should I let her go? With what she said-“</p><p> </p><p>”...stop...” Shuichi spoke for the first time, voice shaky.</p><p>”All of you... please... please just stop...” He sniffled. </p><p> </p><p>Shuichi couldn’t listen to people fighting over him anymore. It only added to his ever-growing pile of guilt, mounding on his chest, making it harder and harder to breathe.</p><p>“It’s not like she’s wrong. I’m going to my room.” Saihara turned around, face still completely blank. Kaito reached to grab his shoulder, fearing the worst.</p><p>”Shuichi wait you can’t-“ Kaito’s hand was smacked away.</p><p>”D-don’t touch me!” Saihara broke into a sprint, fueled by fear. Maki and Kaito, understandably, followed close behind him, leaving everyone stunned and Miu coughing on the floor.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Thankfully, Maki was much faster than he was and she caught up to him before he could close himself in his room and do God knows what.</p><p>”It’s okay. I promise you’re gonna be okay.” Maki captured him in a hug from behind that was firm and restraining, yet somehow gentle and kind. Kaito caught up, huffing and puffing like someone who’s terminally ill.</p><p>Maki took Shuichi by his hand and led him to her room, giving them a serious sense of deja vu. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Saihara finally let the tears fall freely, heart wrenching sobs following close behind. He just wanted all of it to stop. <br/>
<br/>
</p><p>Momota grabbed extra blankets and pillows and while Maki calmed him down, he set up a little pillow fort and pulled up Netflix on his laptop. All three of them managed to crawl into the fort and cuddle while watching movies. When Shuichi fell asleep, Maki agreed to stay with him while Kaito went to talk to Miu and the others, demanding that Miu apologize and everyone else act like nothing had happened. He reassured them that Shuichi would be okay, because with Kaito and Maki’s support, he could make it through this.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. The Artist and His Prodigy (Oumami)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I love Oumami send tweet and I love them more than anything so this is more fluff than angst.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rantaro Amami certainly wouldn’t fit the title of ultimate artist such as his classmate Angie Yonaga, but he was pretty damn good at what he did. His favorite medium would have to be acrylic paint, but he loved art in any form. <br/><br/>It was funny; he so easily become hyper-focused whenever working on a project to the extent that he frequently forgot to take care of his own health. He could sit down for 10 hours straight and not eat or drink or go to the bathroom simply because he was focused on making the world a little bit more beautiful. It got so bad that Ouma started stealing necessary art supplies from him, only giving them back when he agreed to eat some food and drink a glass of water.</p><p><br/>His boyfriend, Ouma, was somewhat of an artist himself, but not a very <em>conventional</em> one, per say. His favorite tool to work with so happened to be a razor blade and the medium; his own blood.</p><p>Like I said, not very conventional, huh?</p><p>Rantaro had no idea Kokichi made his own <em>artwork(?)</em> the way he did, that was until one night when Rantaro woke up in the middle of the night and noticed Kokichi has slipped out of bed at some point. He assumed the purple haired man just got up to use the bathroom, seeing as the light inside the restroom was on and the door was shut, until he heard a poorly suppressed whimper coming from behind the door. <br/><br/></p><hr/><p>Kokichi let out a shaky breath.</p><p>
  <em><br/>Up. Down. <em>Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down.</em></em>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>He lifted the pocket knife in his hand up, just to repeatedly dig the blade into his flesh and rip the knife downwards, leaving large, open gashes in his wrist.</p><p>He was so angry at himself. He was angry at himself for dating Rantaro. He was so <em>perfect</em> and he was so <em>not</em>. What have him the right to take away such an amazing person away from someone else, far more worthy of him. Rantaro was kind, rich, hot, smart, and funny. He had everything anyone could possibly want, so why the <em>hell</em> did he chose Kokichi Ouma? Kokichi was a little brat with no parents and a lying problem. He had <em>nothing</em> to bring to the table, at least that Rantaro didn’t already have<br/><br/></p><p>And he hated himself for it.</p><p> </p><p>He continued slicing open his flesh as his own form of punishment; punishment for letting <em>this</em> happen, for letting himself fall in love, especially with someone so damn amazing, someone who treated him right.</p><p>That wasn’t something he was accustomed to. He always told people his parents were dead, but in reality, he had no idea. They were dead to him the second he was born, so all he could hope for is that they died at some point after he ran away. <em>Died or got put in jail for all the fucked up shit they did to Kokichi. </em>There was a reason why he acted the way he acted.</p><p> </p><p>Memories of what all his “parents” put him through flashed through his head, causing him to dig the knife particularly deep into his left wrist, involuntarily wincing in pain.</p><p>“Kichi?”</p><p>Oh shit.</p><p>Kokichi slid the knife under a laundry bin and rushed to put his shirt back on, ignoring the fact that there was blood <em>everywhere</em>. <br/><br/></p><p>“Kichi, I’m coming in.” Ouma watched in horror as he heard the door handle rattling, knowing it didn’t have a lock.</p><p>”N-no! It’s fine! I’ll be out in a sec! You can just go back to bed!” But Kokichi’s pleas were ignored, Rantaro sensing that something was <em>very</em> wrong.</p><p>”Are you o-“ Rantaro stopped in his tracks the second the door opened. He was frozen for a solid 5 seconds before springing into action, getting on the floor in front of Kokichi and digging through the cabinets beneath the sink for a first aid kit. Neither man knew what to say in that moment, Rantaro just pulled up Kokichi’s sleeves and began tending to his wounds. <br/><br/></p><p>“Rantaro I-“ Kokichi was getting even more upset.</p><p><em>He didn’t deserve this</em>.</p><p>”It's okay, babe. I’m not mad at you.” Rantaro looked Ouma in the eyes, only to realize he was crying as well.</p><p>”M’sorry...” Kokichi whispered, trying his best not to break into full on sobs.</p><p>”Don't be, love. Everything’s gonna be okay. Can you tell me what brought this on?” Rantaro decided to focus on patching Kokichi up rather than look him in the eyes. <br/><br/></p><p>“M’just sad...” Kokichi bit his lip.</p><p>”Whatcha sad about?” </p><p>“You’re amazing and I don’t fucking deserve you. I’m a monster for taking you away from someone who actually deserves a perfect boyfriend and I hate myse-“ </p><p>Rantaro shot his head up and put his hand on Kokichi’s cheek. <br/><br/></p><p>“Please don’t say that. None of that is true and if anything, I don’t deserve you. You are so fucking hilarious and you’re practically a genius. You have more personality in your left pinky toe than I do in my whole body.” Rantaro smiled at him, doing his best to lighten the mood.</p><p>”But you’re smart-“</p><p>”Apparently not smart enough to <em>not</em> lose all twelve of my sisters around the world.” Rantaro laughed and Kokichi couldn’t help but crack a smile.</p><p>”But I just lie all the time...”</p><p>”Hey, we’re working on it. I know it’s how you try and protect yourself and you’ve made so much progress since I first met you. I’m so proud of you, Kichi.” Rantaro finished cleaning up the blood and wrapping up the bandages. He placed a gentle kiss on each wrist, then one final kiss on his forehead. <br/><br/></p><p>“Let’s go back to bed, yeah?” Rantaro picked Kokichi up and tucked his small frame under the covers. Rantaro crawled in bed next to him and held him close, making sure not to hurt him. Kokichi fell asleep almost instantaneously, but Rantaro opted to stay awake in favor of watching over Kokichi and making sure he got rest and didn’t leave again to go hurt himself.</p><p>He really fucking loved that man.</p><hr/><p>It had been a while since that night and Kokichi was making a ton of progress. He’d stopped lying almost completely, at least to Rantaro and all his cuts healed, even the ones that came about due to the occasional relapse. Kokichi knew he still had a lot of self reflection to work on, but he was damn proud of himself, but Rantaro even more so. Amami was his biggest supporter throughout all of it and he was practically beaming with pride. <br/><br/><br/><br/></p><p> </p><p><br/>Unfortunately, good things never last. <br/><br/></p><p>Korekiyo tried to sexually assault him.</p><p>Thankfully, Rantaro found Ouma before anything really happened, but Kokichi was back to square one. The incident brought back so many memories he wanted more than anything to forget.</p><p>His parents weren’t dead to him for no reason.</p><p>Amami let Kaito take care of Shinguji and by “take care,” I mean best absolute ever-loving shit out of him and lock him up. Kaito didn’t particularly do it for Kokichi, rather an outrageous amount of contempt for anyone who could possibly attempt to sexually assault another person, due to the fact that he had a little sister who had gotten taken on her 11th birthday. It was a day he wished every single day he could change and he vowed to never let that happen to anyone else.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kokichi wiped the tears from his eyes with the backs of his hands, desperate to cover up his weaknesses in front of the multiple other people who came running when they heard the commotion. Rantaro did his best to get everyone to go away, but they were still in a killing game and they were understandably concerned.</p><p>Deciding it would be more efficient to get Kokichi away from the crowd rather than the other way around, He helped Kokichi put his uniform top back on, doing up all the intricate clasps and buttons that had hastily been ripped open. Kokichi just cried to himself, mumbling all the while. After his clothes were back in order, Rantaro picked him up and brought the shaking man to his own room. He sat down on the bed and placed Kokichi onto his lap, comforting him all the while. Ouma held onto his boyfriend for dear life, as if he’d slip away forever if he let go. <br/><br/></p><p>After about five minutes, Kokichi began to calm down, getting a grip on his current reality, not his past. When Korekiyo first grabbed him, Kokichi felt like he got put into a time machine and sent right back to where he once called “home.” <br/><br/></p><p>“Hey, Kichi... you with me?” Amami could physically see when Ouma “came back,” eyes filling with life again.</p><p>”Sorry...” Kokichi pulled away, looking Rantaro directly in the eyes, sniffling.</p><p>“It’s okay. Are you doing alright?” Rantaro wiped his tears away. <br/><br/></p><p>“Y-yeah... sorry I just... it made me remember some things. Things didn’t wanna dig up.” Kokichi took some deep breaths. <br/><br/></p><p>“It’s okay, I’ll protect you now. I promise. You don’t have to explain, just... just let me hold you for a little bit?” <br/><br/></p><p>Kokichi nodded and duh his face into Rantaro’s shoulder as he held Ouma closely. <br/>After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Rantaro finally let go.</p><p>”You wanna go to bed, yeah?” <br/><br/></p><p>“Mhm.” Kokichi didn’t bother to form full sentences.</p><p>”Mkay, go ahead and get put on your pajamas and we’ll go to bed.” Rantaro smiled at him. Kokichi nodded silently and headed to the bathroom to change. When Kokichi shut the door, he began to change his shirt, stopping in his tracks when he saw his scarred arms. He spent a couple seconds just staring, feeling the urge to make even more marks. <em>Create even more pretty pictures. </em><br/><br/></p><p>Rantaro took his pocket knife away long ago, leaving Kokichi to scavenge for a razor blade just a few days ago. He didn’t use it, but it was comforting knowing it was there, hidden away in the bathroom.</p><p>Kokichi quickly dug out the blade, admiring the shiny metal object. He hovered it over his wrist hesitantly.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hands. Why were there always so many hands? Touching him, beating him, and tormenting him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He hated hands.</em>
</p><p><em>He hated Korekiyo’s cold, bony hands and the way they felt him up. It was repulsive. He was repulsive</em>.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Kokichi widened his eyes. He was trying to avoid acknowledging the fact that he couldn’t run from Korekiyo like he did from his parents. They were locked in that damn school, with no way out besides murder.</p><p> </p><p>Kokichi began to shake, unknowingly releasing his grip on the blade, letting it clatter against the tile floor.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>It was the sound of that metal meeting tile that alerted Rantaro as to what was going on. He rushed to the door and swung it open. He sighed in relief when he saw Kokichi hadn’t actually done anything, but the blade on the floor made his heart sink.</p><p>Kokichi turned to him, lip trembling. Rantaro held his arms open, urging Kokichi to come and hug him. Kokichi complied without hesitation and Rantaro lead him towards a chair. He sat Kokichi down and grabbed some of his markers and pulled a chair up in front of him. Ouma was confused, but thankful Rantaro wasn’t talking or making him talk. <br/><br/>Rather than forcing Ouma to talk, he gently placed Ouma’s hand in his lap and popped the lid off a marker. He began to draw beautiful little flowers and designs all over his wrist and arm. This was the first time Rantaro had ever done this for Ouma and it made him want to cry for all the right reasons. Amami was so good to him. If Kokichi wanted marks on his arms, Rantaro would draw them in marker in beautiful little designs. <br/><br/></p><p>Rantaro switched to Kokichi’s other arm and began writing a little message.</p><p> </p><p>’You are so important to me and so valuable. You don’t deserve any of this. You are loved more than you could imagine. Please don’t hurt yourself.’</p><p>Rantaro popped the cap back onto the marker, crossing his fingers that if Kokichi had any more thoughts about hurting himself, he’d look at that and reconsider. Rantaro knew he couldn’t keep Kokichi 100% safe from himself. It was just unrealistic. They had to eat, sleep, go to the bathroom, shower, etc. so Kokichi would always have a chance at some point to try something. Rantaro took his blade but who knew whether or not Kokichi had more and if so, where they were located,</p><p>so he did what he could;</p><p>Gave him a reason a reason to treat himself kindly.</p><p> </p><p>Kokichi stared at the message and beautiful designs with tears in his eyes. What did he ever do to deserve Rantaro Amami?</p><p>Kokichi never found a satisfactory answer, but that didn’t stop him from loving the man with everything he had.</p>
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